“I love you”, but I don’t!
While listening to Dan Savage (who is somewhat of a political activist for the left but is still able to offer sound, objective resolutions) I was subjected to a provocative question that evoked a myriad of thoughts (and a couple interesting emotions). The point he brought up pertained to infidelity. But this wasn’t the typical cheating situation. Let me pose the same question posed by Savage:
“If you were dating a woman and she became terminally ill, would you be cheating on her if you didn’t want to stay, but did because it was thought to be the ‘right’ thing to do?”
This challenges our ‘societal norms and values’ and places the self as having equivalent importance as the other person. If we lie to ourselves and lie to a loved one, is that not just as bad as breaking it off? Should we, in fact, be the saviors of others when the act of saving is merely an act?
Take the following to be true: A man has been dating his girlfriend for 5 years and suddenly, his girlfriend is diagnosed with a life ending disease. But it’s slow progression to the grave. He, after another 5 years, begins to wander. The sex has left the relationship and he has wandered to another woman. Yet every night he is with his girlfriend, helping her and proclaiming his love. Is it better for her to die unbeknownst of his infidelity (ignorance is bliss?) OR would it have been better if he was honest, said “Peace out” and moved on?
Savage discusses the implications this woman would face, hypothetically in both situations. What I found particularly harsh was the man who, while at the hospital when his wife found out she had cancer, slipped divorce papers over to her in the hospital bed. How he was prepared for this is beyond me — but I am pretty sure we can safely classify this guy as a cad. There aren’t any road maps, bubble charts or directional signs to guide us on the pathway to good morals and ethics, unless you’re obliged to follow some type of corporate code (which for the followers, take Enron, enough said).
If I had been diagnosed with something horribly debilitating, I would certainly want my loved one to be by my side. But after all, that is assuming he would WANT to be, and I would never want to sacrifice someone’s emotional stability/happiness in order to fabricate some of my own.
My take on the Savage question is simply that-mine. But the real point here is to get you to think about what being “moral” and “faithful” really means, especially if you aren’t being just that to yourself.
